Barney and his love for Robin
by anney101
Summary: This is set in season 4 of HIMYM, when barney is in love with Robin. This is just another way the season could have played out. I will be doing the story chapter by chapter!
1. Chapter 1

It was a Friday night and I was at MacLaren's bar hitting on an Asian girl. She had thin, straight black hair that stretched just below her shoulders. Her whole face read desperate. Her nose was read, along with the edged of her eyes, she was drinking hard liquor, and she was shaking. She had obviously just gone through a hard break up, and needed my help. It was my duty, whenever I saw a hot and sad girl, to sleep with them.

"I am sorry for your loss," I said to her in my perfected acting sorry voice. Apparently, her dad had just suffered a heart attack. "Why don't we go back to my place and talk about this. You need someone right now." She nodded, and began sobbing. I helped her out of the bar and into a cab off to my apartment. Sad girls were so easy to trick. With their minds all foggy and vulnerable, they basically crawled into bed with you.

We got to my place and I brought the girl upstairs. I didn't remember her name, but I rarely did. I began conversation by telling her about how when my dad died, it helped me to sleep with random people. Especially the good looking blonde ones. She took in my information with wide and intent eyes, and asked if I knew of anyone. I pretended to think about it, and sighed. "Well, I normally don't do this," I began, "but I think that for this special case, I would be willing to do the honors. But only because of your loss."

"Really?" She sounded so excited. Not that I was surprised. She got the privilege of sleeping with me, the most awesome person in the world. I brought her to my bedroom, and sat her on the bed.

I told myself this would be easy, trying to boost my confidence. Usually I didn't need any sort of encouragement. I was a natural at this, and I always had been. However, lately, something had been happening. I tried not to think about it, because it was really depressing. I was the best at sleeping with girls in the world, and I knew that. But right now, I was going through something that I couldn't explain. I could hit on the girl. I could bring her home. I could get her into bed. I couldn't go further. Right before I get my clothes off, something happens. Somehow, I had been striking out, right before the good stuff. Somehow, I did something that made the girl get up and go. I couldn't explain it. It was new, nothing I had ever experienced before. But this time would be different. This girl was asking for it. She wouldn't leave, even if she found out about my porn collection. There was nothing I could accidently say that would take her out. I told myself this, over and over as I undressed. And I completed the task, to my utter relief. I looked at this Asian chick, and smiled.

However, just as I was about to get into bed, the same thing that had been happening all of those times happened again. I said something, only this time I said something different. All of those other times, I had said meaningless crap. "I am not really major league baseball player." "You looked thinner with the shirt on." This time however, I said something completely unpredicted. I didn't even know what I said about myself. After I said it, I realized it was true. I didn't know it before, but I had been striking out on purpose all those other times, and I only subconsciously knew why. And here I was, revealing the secret.

Just before I crawled I bed I released the words. "I love you Robin".

"What?" The girl in bed asked. I didn't know what to say. Did I really just say that out loud? I knew I was in love in Robin several months ago. Lily said I had to choose between bimbos and Robin. I chose bimbos. I didn't want to love Robin. Love wasn't my thing, and I didn't want it to become my thing, like Lily and Marshall. And, If Robin didn't love me back, then I would turn into Ted; desperate and depressed. So, instead of all that, I chose bimbos. Or at least I thought I did. But now, as my mouth informs me, I still love Robin. Great.

"Nothing," I lied.

"Did you just say I love you Robin?" She asked angrily.

"No no! I said I love you…sweetie." I added sweetie lamely at the end realizing I didn't know her name.

"Whatever. I am in a really bad mood, I don't even care. Lets just do it."

I was right when I said this would be easy, and that she could not be easily driven out. I was about to crawl into bed, but stopped and thought. Lily had said I had to choose bimbos or Robin. Obviously, bimbos wasn't really working out. Every time I tried to sleep with a girl, Robin stopped me. That meant just one thing. I had to choose Robin. I had to stop sleeping around. No more bimbos. No more meaningless sex. I had a new goal now. Robin. It was time to shoot for one girl. It would be hard. No more sleeping around…starting now.

"No." I said, and pulled away from my bed towards my clothes. "I changed my mind. I can't do this. I am sorry.

She stared at me shocked, with one of those "are you kidding me?" looks.

I sighed, and began pulling my clothes on. I was going to stop sleeping around for something I might never get. I had a desperate girl, willing to sleep with me, even when I called her Robin. I realized I didn't know her name. "What is your name?"

She glared at me. I did feel a little bad. Her dad just had a heart attack, she just got rejected seconds before I banged her, and I didn't even know her name.

"Jasmine" She said. She hadn't moved an inch since I had started getting dressed. What was I supposed to do? Why wasn't she moving.

"Well, Jasmine, I think you should go…"

She got off the bed stomped off to my bathroom, stole one of my silk robes and left. I could have stopped her, but I didn't care that much. I had about ten of those robes anyways, and I just wanted her out of my apartment. I needed time to think, and that was something I was never very good at. What was I supposed to do about these feeling for Robin. What were they? How do I get Robin to like me. I am a womanizing idiot. She is perfect. Beautiful, smart, and funny, and somehow I plan on getting her to be mine.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to cry. I thought about something I said to Ted long ago. "When I get sad, I quit being sad and be awesome instead." Be awesome, Barney. Be awesome. Stop being sad. I told myself again and again. Stop it, Barney. No tears. Pull yourself together! I tried, but every time I came close to holding back the tears, I thought of Robin and the cycle went on and on. I was crying in only a few minutes. I decided there was only one way to handle this situation. I only knew of one person who could help me now. I pulled out my cell phone to call the only person in the world who knew how I felt about Robin. I pulled out my cell phone and called Lily.


	2. Chapter 2

I slipped my phone out of my pocket, and quickly dialed Lily's number. I longed to have Robin, and if it were ever going to happen, I would need the guidance of her only girl friend, and, consequently, the one who knew how I felt. I listened as the phone rang once. I hoped that Lily would answer. I hated to admit it, but I needed her help, and now. I was having a breakdown.

The phone ringed again. And then it hit me. What was I supposed to say to Lily? It was eleven at night and I was sobbing. Lily couldn't witness me crying! No one could. I am Barney Stinson, and I am supposed to have no feelings. I am the stubborn, womanizing, and annoying person that some how became friends with Marshall, Ted, Lily, and Robin. I wanted to be more than friends with Robin though, and I knew that now. I loved her. I could only hope she felt the same to me, but it wasn't likely. Her impression of me was, well, the stubborn, womanizing, and annoying friend. I cried harder as the phone rang a third time.

I hung up. I wasn't giving up on Robin, but I also wasn't going to give up on my reputation. If Lily answered the phone, she would make a big deal and tell everyone, "Turns out Barney does have feelings." I couldn't stand it. I'd end up running away in all of the madness, without Robin or my dignity.

On the other hand, I really needed Lily right now. If there was one person who could help me manage this it was her. I would never tell her of course, but I was very grateful that she was always there to give advice. She would understand my situation, and tell me how to get through it. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if she saw me crying. Yes, I could cry with Lily, but not over the phone. It isn't secure enough. She could be on speaker, or might say something that lets other people know, or accidentally let it slip. Too many variables.

Suddenly, my phone rang. I flinched at the sudden break in silence, and checked the caller id. Lily. I took a deep breathe, panicking. I tried to stop crying and quickly practiced convincing tones of voice. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't tell her the truth over the phone, because there were too many variables. I needed an excuse to get her over here. I knew none of my plays would work on her, Lily knew me too well. Then, on the fourth ring, I had a brilliant idea, and it would require very little talking. I practiced my non-crying voice one last time before answering the phone.

"Call for Barney," I answered in my usual way. Miraculously, I kept my voice even and happy. Maybe I would get through this call.

"Hi Barney. You called a couple of minutes ago?" Lily sounded curious. She didn't sound tired which meant she wasn't asleep, but more likely at Maclaren's.

"Yes. Lily, I need you at my apartment, alone, asap," and now for the brilliant part, "no questions asked". I felt the urge to high five myself on the stunningly perfect acting job.

"Barney, I am married."

I scowled. "I am not trying to have sex with you." The idea disgusted me, though an hour ago I would have been all for it. Now, all I could think about was cuddling up with Robin on my bed, drinking coffee together, and watching our favorite movies. I wanted to sit and do nothing but talk with her for hours, as she told me about her day, her job, what she wants out of life. But the sound of her voice would be all I need to satisfy.I felt another round of tears filling up my eyes. I needed to stop them, just until the conversation was over.

"Then what is it!" Lily complained, "I am at the bar right now. Can't Robin come?"

"No!" I said it a little too quickly.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked, astonished. "I knew you were a dork, but this is all strange."

"I am fine. You know what? I'll just call Ted. Bye" My voice cracked on the "bye". I immediately hung up the phone, not waiting for Lily's goodbye. If she heard I was crying, I didn't want to talk about it. I decided to deal with it on my own. I thought that maybe if I just let myself cry that the tears would eventually run out. I sighed, and stopped fighting the tears. I felt the warmth run down my cheeks, some of the salty tears getting in my mouth. I was crying. Me. Barney Stinson. Having a mental breakdown. Over a girl. I was in love, something I didn't think existed. I had known Robin for years now. Why were these feeling surfacing now? Why was there no off switch. Robin would never love me. If she did, then this wouldn't all be so bad. We could live together, sleep together every night, and just be a couple. We could go on vacations together, and never have to worry about kids since neither of us wanted that. We could live happily ever after. All these amazing things, if only Robin loved me. But she will never love me.

I didn't realize I had been progressively crying harder and harder, and decided to try and stop. I didn't like it. It was making my perfect face swell up. It always made me feel better to sit out on my balcony, and so outside I went. I closed the door and let the cool breeze hit my tearstained face. I imagined Robin sitting next to me, her eyes gazing back at mine, sitting in the moonlight. I could stare at her forever, and be the happiest man to ever live. I wanted it so much. It was hard to believe I had ever wanted anything else. How had banging random chicks, and then never seeing them again felt like living? How could a beautiful, long, romantic relationship with the most amazing woman alive seem wrong? I sighed, the tears finally rolling to an end.

I checked my watch. It had been 45 minutes since Lily had called me. And then I heard a knock on the door. I decided that I was having a personal moment and whoever was at the door could speak to me later. And also, my whole face was red from the extreme crying scene I had just gone through. It would be a major drop in reputation to open the door looking as I did now. So I ignored the knock. Whoever it was knocked again. I ignored it. They knocked again and again, but I was in such a terrible mood, that I did not answer it.

Right when I thought the knocking had stopped, someone opened the door. Every thought swirled through my head all at once. My main fear was burglar. When was the last time burglars knocked anyways? That wasn't it. Who was in my apartment and why? The answer was confirmed when the intruder spoke.

"Barney, are you in here?" Lily called? I sighed in relief. I was happy to know that the intruder was a friend, and even happier that the friend was Lily. I needed her now. I remembered my face. I didn't want to show my face like this, but Lily would find me anyways. I opened the door, and walked in. I wish I had a mirror so I knew exactly how ridiculous I looked. Then I called for Lily, who had gone to my room to find me.

Her face had an utterly shocked expression when she saw mine. "Are you okay?"

I didn't know where to begin. I hadn't expected her to come. By the time twenty minutes had passed I had thought it was out of the question, so I hadn't prepared anything to say. I didn't want to talk right now, I wanted Lily to tell me what to do, and what to do about my Robin feelings. Talking, for once, was exactly what I didn't want to do. I stood there, plainly staring at Lily with my swollen, red, tearstained face.

"Barney?" She asked. I kept my answer simple and short.

"Robin." I said.

"Yes, you told me not to bring her. I had to wait for her to go home before I could come."

"No, I choose Robin."

Lily was clearly confused. "You choose Robin?"

"Yes."

"As oppose to what?"

"Bimbos. I choose Robin as oppose to Bimbos."

The look on Lily's face was priceless. For whatever reason, she was overjoyed by this new. She smiled goofily, and worked to contain all the energy she now had. To her, me having feelings for Robin was the best possible news. And that's when she remembered my face that revealed my dried tears.

"You were crying?" She was shocked. She didn't seem to grasp the fact that Robin and I would never be a couple.

"Yes." I replied defensively.

"Why?"

I didn't want to talk anymore. I felt like my eyes were about to burst into tears again, and I hated myself for it. I sighed, feeling like my life had hit an all time low.

And suddenly, Lily was hugging me. She embraced me tight. It caught me by surprise, but I realized I needed it. It made me feel slightly better, and worse too. I started hugging her back. With the hug, came tears. Not as bad as before, but I still hated it. I hated crying, I hated needing hugs, I hated loving Robin, and I hated that I was going to have to explain this all to Lily, in order to get to the one good part; the part where Lily tells me how to figure this all out. I opened my mouth to explain it all.


	3. Chapter 3

I started from the beginning, and how I had lately been striking out immediately before bed. I then moved on to the Asian girl at the bar, and bringing her home. I continued on to when I had her in bed. Lily gasped and smiled when I told her about when I said I loved her, but called her Robin. She interrupted me and could tell that I had been unknowingly striking out on purpose. I nodded and continued with the story. To my surprise, it actually made me feel better to talk this all out. Lily was especially delighted when she found I had sent the girl home, without sleeping with her first.

"Really?" She had exclaimed. "That is a big step! I am really proud of you." There was an awkward silence before Lily spoke again. "Barney," she sounded slightly sad, and she spoke quieter than before, almost as if she was worried, "what is wrong? Why…"She didn't need to finish her sentence, I knew what she was going to say.

"Why was I crying?" I asked, though I knew the answer.

"I have never seen any emotion in you in my life. It seems like it is all coming out at once. All of those buried feelings just…exploding. I am worried about you. Are you okay?

I couldn't have said it better myself. I felt exactly like what she had described. I wasn't used to feeling this, and it didn't feel very good. I wished Robin were here to comfort me. Lily was great, but she was a friend. I wanted Robin. She was my love.

"I would be better," I started to say, "if Robin were here. Do you know if she is at home?"

Lily hesitated before saying, "I took her home before I came here. She was probably really tired, and I don't think it would be good to go wake her up. It would be super weird."

My face must have shown my disappointment, because Lily sat me down on the couch with her and hugged me. I felt terrible. I shouldn't have brought Lily here. If I had kept this to myself, I would have been able to control myself, and maybe push my feelings back down. I could have kept this whole ordeal to myself, and maybe gone back to living normally. This is why emotions are bad. They make you do things you regret, like calling friends and pouring out your secrets. I hated myself at that moment, and I wished I could brainwash Lily and kick her out. I wanted her to leave with no recollection of this event. What was I thinking? Lily was the biggest blabber mouth in the world. This secret was safe for one week at the very most. Lily would go to the bar and feel so sorry for me that she would have to tell Robin the truth. Then, Robin would look at me and Lily and awkwardly make up some event she has to be at and leave without saying a word. I had to get out of this.

"Psh" I said as Lily hugged me. She pulled away very confused.

"What?"

"Come on," I said trying to be convincing, "I mean, me? In love? Are you _kidding_ me?"

Lily didn't look convinced.

"Seriously Lily. I was obviously just, you know, like, practicing a play from my playbook. I mean duh."

Lily angrily stood up from the couch. I mentally high fived myself at my success. I thought the anger in her was because she had been fooled.

"BARNEY!"

"I am sorry. I needed someone to practice on. You are as good as anyone."

I felt a sharp sting on my face as she slapped me.

"Oh please Barney. You are a liar. There is no way that was all an act! I am so mad at you! Why, Barney? Why?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't truly believe she would buy my act, but I didn't know what to say to her reaction.

"Why what?"

She sounded furious as she answered, and as if she was struggling not to scream, "Why are you so freakishly afraid to give love a try?"

I stared at Lily, speechless. I knew the reason, of course. I loved Robin. I wanted to be with her all of the time. I wanted to endulge every part of her. Her smell, beauty, skin, and everything else. It was all perfect. If I told Robin how I felt, and she couldn't return the feelings, then it would be awkward between us forever. We could never simply have a drink at Maclaren's together, or sit in a cab, or just hang out. I would rather have to live friends, and just friends with Robin, then have to risk it all for the slim possibility that she would like me back. I couldn't live with myself if I threw our friendship away just like that. I was so scared that Robin would never love me, and so I was scared to admit it to anyone. The more people I admitted it too, the closer Robin was to finding out, and the sooner our friendship would be trashed. It was then, that I decided I didn't want to have this conversation anymore. I looked at Lily, and, without a word, walked straight out of my apartment.

I heard the door open behind me, and I was sure that Lily was following behind. By the time I left the building, I could tell she was just a few paces behind me. I wished she would stop following me and mind her own business. I wished I had never said a word to Lily. I didn't want to be mad at her, but I didn't want to be near her either. The truth was, I just needed some time alone, to sort everything out. About thirty minutes ago, I would have said just the opposite, but now things had changed. I realized that it wasn't Lily's job to tell me what to do. That was my job. All Lily could do was make suggestions, and try to comfort me, but that wasn't working. I was definitely new to the love thing. That goes without saying. I just wished Lily would stop following me so I could figure this out alone. I picked up my pace to try and leave Lily behind.

"Barney," she was still right behind me.

I turned abruptly. I wanted her to leave me alone, Didn't she get that? "Lily," I sounded so angry. I had never heard the fury in my own voice before. It surprised me, and based on her facial expression, it surprised Lily too. "Go away. Stop following me. Okay?" My angry voice was slowly turning to sadness. I was starting to sound tearful again. I sort of felt bad for lashing out on Lily. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. And now I was going to start crying again. Great.

It took all of my will power to not burst into tears right then and there. I continued, "I just, really want some time alone right now."

She was shocked at my sudden mood change, and couldn't even speak. Instead she nodded her head, and reluctantly turned away and left.

I stood there, on the crowded side walk of New York City. So many people were passing by me, but I stood frozen. Although I saw many faces, I had never felt so alone in my life. Lily would probably tell Robin within a day about my feelings for her. Ted and Marshall would know too of course, and they would never be able to look at me the same again. I would be the weird guy, who likes a girl in our group of friends.

I would never be the same person. I would _never_ be the same person.

But loneliness wasn't the only feeling I felt. There was something else. Something also new. It resembled loneliness, in that it left an empty feeling in my stomach. I had felt this very few times in my life. Ask any of my friends and they would think I had never felt this way. It was rare in me, just like my love for Robin was rare. But, as I stood here on the sidewalk, I knew, without a doubt, that I was feeling it. I, Barney Stinson, felt undeniably guilty.

I didn't have to wonder why for long. It wasn't because of my sudden outburst on Lily. It was about something else. My whole adult life was spent the same way. I would go to a bar, see a hot girl, fake her into sleeping with me, get her out of my life, and then never see her again. I had repeated this over and over and again and again with close to 200 women. I felt guilty now. I now realized that they were all people, just like Robin was. I had loved my whole life like women were not real people. But now, knowing that Robin was most certainly a real person, that means every single one of those women was too. They were not just play toys, but they were people with real feelings and beliefs. I could have ruined some of their lives. I probably ruined marriages, took away peoples virginity, and I definitely lied to most of them to get them into bed. I did all of that, but never apologized to a single one of them. In fact, the only evidence available that I ever even slept with these people is a stupid scrapbook with a picture of each of them.

I sighed, and realized I should probably go back up to the apartment. I started walking up, trying to think of something to write on my blog. However, by the time I was in my apartment I was to tired to even think about writing at this time. I had a very long night, and I needed some sleep. It was hard to sleep with the mixture of want for Robin, loneliness, and guilt, but I managed to sleep somehow. I had decided that the next day I was going to have to do something about the major guilt I was feeling. I didn't want to go to the bar and see Lily, because we ended on a pretty bad note tonight, and I really wanted to do something that would get this guilt off my chest. I wasn't excited to do it, and it would take forever. I obviously couldn't do it all at once either, because it would take at least a week without sleep. But I knew it was the only way. I knew that I had to apologize to every woman I had ever slept with.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning at 7:30. The sun shined brightly into my bedroom and warmed me on the bed. I had no work today, because it was Saturday. The good news ended there. I stretched out my arms as I sat up and walked to a closet outside of my bedroom. In that closet, on the top shelf, was my big stack of guilt, aka, my girl scrapbook. In it, I had a photo of every single girl I had ever slept with, along with there phone numbers and addresses. It was one of the reasons I felt so crappy today.

I pulled the book down and brought it over to my counter, where I set it down. I sighed, not knowing exactly what to do. I had decided the previous night that I was going to form some sort of apology to each and every one of these girls, but the big decision how. I could easily phone every one of them. In fact, that would be the most efficient way to go about it. I could stay at home, and not have to worry about going to every single house. That would take much longer, and if I saw these girls, they could possibly try to injure me in some way. Calling these girls may not be as personal, but it was the only way I would possibly ever get this done.

Before I began, I got up and locked my front door. I didn't want Lily, or anyone else for that matter, barging in and witnessing this extreme act of sympathy by me. It is just not the normal way for me to act. I had spent my whole life as an adult, thinking I was being raised in awesomeness with each girl I slept with. I thought I was slowly going up on the scale. It wasn't until recently that I discovered that I had only been burying myself in a hole, going deeper down with each girl I slept with.

And now, I was going to climb out.

I sighed, before turning to page one. I almost laughed as I realized I had put the book in order. The first person in the book was the first girl I had ever slept with. My mom's friend, and my neighbor, Rhonda was on the first page. I never actually did anything too bad to her, but I still had to apologize. It was part of my system. I had told myself I would say sorry to every single girl in the book, and Rhonda was in the book. I took the phone number that was next to her name and dialed it into my cell phone, hoping for an answer.

I was a little nervous. I had slept with this woman for the purpose of losing my virginity. She had sex with loads of men before me, so it wasn't as if I was something special. She was also much older than me, which made it a little awkward to call her. I didn't know what I was going to say. How was I supposed to start?

Suddenly, she picked up. "Hello?" She said.

"Hello, is this Rhonda?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"My name is Barney."

"Barney Splinton?"

"Oh, good, you remember me." I didn't bother correcting my last name. I didn't truly care.

"Of course! You were my old neighbor. We haven't spoke in ages! What is it you called me for anyways?

I hesitated slightly. "I just…I wanted to apologize."

"What for?"

"For…well…"

"What is it. What did you do?" She sounded suspicious, wondering what I had done.

"Having meaningless sex."

There was a long pause. I gulped silently, waiting for her to say something. It was super strange for me. I hadn't ever really said sorry before, and I didn't know if I was even doing it right. My hands started to get all sweaty and I nearly dropped the phone. Then, Rhonda burst out laughing. I tried to mimic her laugh but I was so nervous I ended up literally saying "hahaha". Why was she laughing?

"You are sorry for having sex! Why?" She asking in-between laughs.

"It wasn't right! Come on, it was absolutely unnecessary. I only did it to lose my virginity. That is no reason to do it! And I am sorry." I did my best to defend a point I had never defended before.

"Okay dear," she said still trying to get over her laughter, "Well, apology accepted. Now, I have to get back to watching T.V. Bye now.

I sighed. That would probably be the easiest call of the day. At least she wanted to have meaningless sex. Everyone else would probably be super mad. They could hang up before I could apologize. Many would never accept my apology. I was sure of that. But the least I could do was say sorry. That would be a million times better than plainly doing nothing, and pretending it never happened.

I was right about Rhonda being the easiest call. The next girlI called screamed at me for 3 minutes straight. I barely got a chance to speak and it took me ten minutes of explaining and apologizing before she finally accepted and hung up the phone.

The next girl was not better. She said that her boyfriend found out and never called her again. I felt very bad. I couldn't imagine what I would do if someone did that to me. I had told her I was on the verge of death and wanted my last night to be spent with her. She slept with me and got dumped. I really was sorry, and she heard the pain in my voice. She did accept my apology, and admitted that she ended up marrying a different man after that whole fiasco. That made me feel a little better.

I called people all day long, stopping only for short breaks to eat and pee. By the time five pm rolled around I had called and apologized to almost 75 girls. I was exhausted. I turned to the next page, ready to call a girl named Natalie, when I heard I knock on the door. I immediately hid the book under a secret compartment under my counter. Whoever it was didn't need to know what I was doing. I wasn't ashamed, but I didn't want to have to explain what I was doing.

I answered the door, and wasn't surprised that Lily was at the door. I decided that after what happened last night, I owed Lily an apology too. I was getting pretty good at it anyways.

"Lily," I started to say, "About last night. You were right. I was stupid to be ashamed about my feelings for Robin. I know you were only trying to help.

Lily stood in my doorway, and was clearly shocked. She stood with her eyes opened wide, and she had dropped her purse.

"What?" She was confused. "Did you just tell me that you were wrong and that I was right?"

I rolled my eyes "Don't get used to it. So, what are you doing here."

"I was a little worried honestly"

"Worried about what"

"Well, you sort of had a breakdown last night-"

"-You don't need to remind me" I interrupted

"Okay," she said a bit annoyed, "but anyways, I wanted to make sure you were doing better."

"You could have called me." After I said it I realized I wouldn't have picked up if she had. I was on the phone with old chocks all day.

"I tried, about five times actually. You never answer."

I chuckled. I probably missed a ton of calls today due to being on the phone all day.

"What is so funny?" She said it in an offended tone.

"Nothing," I said and then, not wanting to get into my day, I quickly changed the topic, "You…you didn't tell Robin…right"

"Of course not. Who do you think I am?"

"Good."

Lily stood in the doorway, seeming confused, though I couldn't work out what about.

"Have you been here all day?" she asked.

"What do you mean."

"I don't know, its just, you don't have work on Saturday's, and you weren't at Maclaren's. What have you been up to?"

"What? Everytime I do something without you, Ted, Robin or Marshall, I am hiding something?"

"No. It was just a question. Though, since you seem to be so defensive, I now am sure you were up to something. Spill it, Stintson."

"I don't know what you want me to spill" I would hold this secret for my life.

"If you don't tell me, then I am telling Robin your secret"

"Lily!"

Lily pulled out her phone and began scrolling through her contacts, and clicked on Robin.

"I was calling all the girls I slept with to apologize to them, okay!" I said frantically, hoping Lily would hang up. Instead, she dropped her phone in shock.

"What."

I sighed, not knowing what to say. Lately, I had been telling Lily everything. I just hoped she would keep this secret.

"Hello," I realized it was Lily's phone speaking. She quickly picked it up and clicked "end" before slipping it in her pocket. She stared at me intently waiting for an explanation.

"Lily, come inside." I closed the door behind her and sat her on the couch. "Last night, I had some sort of…instant realization. Something dawned on me. Suddenly, it all made sense." I was racking my brain trying to think of the right way to put this.

"You mean like an epiphany?" She asked.

"Ya, pretty much. I realized that, what I did to all of those girls…it was wrong." I went on to explain the entire story to Lily, who seemed to really be enjoying the new me. The new me who acted slightly like Ted. Emotional.

"Wow." Lily said when I finished. "It sounds like you have had one hell of a day."

I shrugged. "Ya. It really has been. I honestly destroyed the lives of one or two of those girls."

Lily's phone buzzed. She pulled it out and read a text.

"Hey, I have to go meet Marshall at the bar. You coming?"

"Nah, I think I'll make a few more calls."

"Barney, you have had a rough day. You need to relax for awhile. It isn't good for you to sit in here alone all the time."

Lily had a point. I was probably going to drive myself nuts if I stayed in here. I sighed, and Lily knew that was my way of agreeing. I got my shoes, and Lily and I got a cab to meet Marshall at the bar. Suddenly it hit me.

"Lily?" I asked about five minutes away.

"Yes?"

"We aren't only meeting Marshall at the bar…are we?"

Her silence confirmed it.

"Robin will be their…won't she?"

Lily sighed, "Are you mad?"

I could have burst out laughing. "Mad? Lily, she is my friend you know. I am not going to start avoiding her just because I am in love with her. If Anything, I am going to start seeing her more frequently. Lily, I am _happy_ that Robin will be there."

It was true. I was so excited to see Robin for the first time, knowing she is what I want forever.

"But, I thought even the thought of her made you want to cry…"

I smiled. "The _thought_ of her does. But Robin? She could never make me do anything but make me smile."

We pulled up to Maclaren's and I paid the driver before getting out. The sun was starting to set when we got there. I walked into Maclaren's, one of the most familiar places in the world to me, and saw Robin talking to Marshall at our booth. I decided I was going to try to act normal, for the sake of our friendship, before I took a deep breathe and made my way over.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, Barney" Robin said as she scooted over for me to sit down. I took a seat, careful not to sit too close.

"Hey," I said. Did I usually say hey? Was I acting weird? Would Robin suspect something was up?

My voice of reason quickly caught up with me and I chuckled lightly when I realized I had been panicking over a completely regular response.

"So," Robin started, eyeballing Lily who was on the other side of the booth with Marshall. Then she looked back to me and continued, "Do you want to tell me why Lily came over to your house last night?"

I glared at Lily. I had thought she had kept that a secret, but apparently not. I looked at Robin, trying to decide how to answer this. I knew I couldn't lie to Robin, because I'd feel that terrible thing called guilt all night long. I also knew that if I told Robin the truth, I risked ruining our friendship.

"Oh, she was just bro-ing me out. I needed some help and-"

"So, long story short, you needed Lily to pretend to be your wife or girlfriend to get some chick out of your apartment?" Robin interrupted.

I merely laughed, not wanting to answer. It definitely sounded like me, so I decided to let her stick with it. And besides, laughing wasn't lying, so I was still being honest with Robin.

"So where have you been all day, Barney?" Marshall asked curiously.

"At home."

"Doing what?"

I decided I had no problem lying to Marshall. "Come on, Marshall," I said casually, while fiddling with my tie, "We both know I wasn't at home"

Marshall was confused even further.

"What does that even mean?" Robin interrupted.

"Nothing." I answered.

"I think it means he was at a strip club all day," Marshall said.

"Yes, that's where I was," I said quickly hoping to change the subject.

"Or maybe not," Robin said, disregarding me. "I bet he was out hitting on all the people we told him were off limits!"

"Oh! Like my hot coworker Teresa!" Marshall said, right before Lily slapped him.

"Sure, yup that's were I was!" I said hoping we could move on. They ignored me again.

"And my cousin Tessa!" Robin contributed.

"Oh, and my mom!"

"No," Robin said, as her eyes widened. She turned to me, holding back a smile. "I know where you were today."

"You do?" I asked, actually a little worried.

"Wow, Barney. I am proud of you. I guess you realized that they were not as stupid as you thought"

"What?" I said in a high, scared voice. She couldn't know, could she?

"Oh, I see where you going with this Robin," Marshall said with wide eyes.

I gulped, hoping by some miracle they had it wrong.

"Yes, he is embarrassed about it too! I can tell," Marshall added.

"What are you talking about?" I asked scared for the answer.

"You know," Robin continued, "You decided to give people from New Jersey a chance. You slept with people from New Jersey!"

I stared at Robin and Marshall, who seemed to think they had cracked the code. Then I turned to Lily, who had stayed silent throughout this whole debate. We made eye contact. Lily looked as surprised as I. Did they really think I would stoop down so low. I won't even go to New Jersey, much less sleep with women there.

Simultaneously Lily and I burst into laughter, unable to hold it back any longer.

"You think! Aw man. I can't believe you think I stooped down to that level! Seriously. New Jersey? Not happening. EVER!" I said. Robin smirked at my reaction, and soon she and Marshall too, were laughing.

I smiled at watching Robin laugh. It suited her, smiling. She had the perfect teeth that glistened when her lips parted. Her lips were of the same perfection. Flawless. I wondered how I could have missed her perfection before now. It was so clear!

When I looked back to Lily, she was kissing Marshall passionately. They both smiled as they pulled apart. In there own world. Jealousy swept over me. I wanted that same relationship with…I turned back to Robin, who appeared to be lost in thought as she stared at her drink.

I started breathing heavily, and felt sweat forming in my hands. Was this what it felt like to be nervous? I stared down under the table and noticed that Marshall and Lily had their legs intertwined. Before now, I had thought love was a burden. But now as I stared at Robin, as I longed to spend the rest of my life in her presence, and knowing it would never happen, I knew it was more than a burden. It was baggage, as Ted would call it. But it was an immense amount, that would never be unloaded unless I said something to Robin now.

"Robin?" I said trying to get her attention. I didn't know what to say. It wasn't every day someone told you that they loved you. Especially when that someone was me.

She flinched, being broken out of her thoughts. "Ya?" She asked.

"Robin…I have to" I chickened out "pee. Let Lily and Marshall know when they are out of there little trance."

"Uh…okay."

I got up and made my way to the door of the bar.

"Barney, the bathrooms that way," Robin said pointing to the back of the bar.

"Thanks." I said, then turned around and left the bar anyway. I was in a serious crisis at the moment and needed some time alone. I hailed a taxi, got inside, and gave an address to the driver. It took about an hour, but I finally arrived. I hadn't packed anything, but it didn't matter what stuff I brought, because I had my credit card on me. I needed to go where my friends would most certainly never even think to look

I left the cab and entered the large and confusing building before me. I had been here many times, I knew it well. I purchased my tickets quickly, before boarding my flight to Cheyenne, Wyoming.


	6. Chapter 6

"What are you going to Cheyanne for?" The girl in the seat next to me asked from the window seat. She looked like she was in her late 30s or early 40s. She wore black glasses and had layered brown hair.

"Just needed to get out for a while"

"Oh, do you have some friends over their?"

"No." I replied awkwardly, wondering what else to say. I was honestly wanting some time alone right now, but I didn't want be rude. I hoped she would stop the conversation there.

"I am sorry, I am being rude. I forgot to introduce myself! I am Jane." She said, holding out her hand.

I shook it, and was surprised at how warm it felt.

"Barney." I said before releasing her hand. I looked up the isle at the flight attendant passing around drinks, and multiple people sleeping on horseshoe shaped neck pillows. It was dark outside too, but occasionally I could see a blotch of lights marking some city.

"My sons favorite show is called Barney!" She seemed a little too overexcited about this, almost making me laugh. Almost.

"Is it?" I asked lamely, not knowing how else to keep the conversation going, which was especially hard when you didn't want to have the conversation in the first place.

"Ya, haven't you heard of it?"

"Maybe." Of course I have. I also didn't want to talk anymore. "What is it about?"

"So, there is this purple dinosaur…" Jane went on to explain, in fine detail, the children's show Barney. Lucky for me she liked to talk. Usually I was the talkative kind, but Robin was putting my brain way out of wack. All I could think about was, well, being with her. All the time. I wasn't even listening when Jane asked me a question.

"What?" I asked trying to focus on whatever Jane was saying.

"I was asking if you had ever been to Malibu." It was beyond me how a description of Barney and friends could trail so far off topic without me contributing a smidgen.

"No. Why?"

"I was just telling you how beautiful it was wondering if you had any stories."

"Is it beautiful there?" I was trying really hard to keep my mind on the conversation, which was getting progressively harder. It was as if the more I tried, the less it worked.

"Yes! I just spent the last 5 minutes describing it all! Were you even listening?"

"Is that a trick question?" I knew it wasn't.

"No..." She seemed to be studying my face. "Are you okay?"

"What, me? Ya. Totally fine. I am A-okay" I held up my hand with an okay sign and smiled assuringly.

"One thing that you have to know about me, is that I can tell if anyone is lying, and you are."

I sighed. "I don't really want to talk about it." I admitted.

"Why are you going to Cheyenne?"

"What?"

"Are you confused? It is a simple question."

"You already asked that though."

"On the contrary. I may have already asked, but you did not answer."

"I did." I said angrily. "I remember! I told you I just had to get out for a while. If you really can tell when someone is lying, then you should be able to tell that is true!" I fumed.

She raised her eyebrows. "I only meant, you never told me why you chose Cheyenne."

"Why not?" I challenged. "It is far from NYC, small population, and the last place anyone would think to look for me."

She shook her head, giving up. I finally had a chance to sleep.

_"Robin," I said, my palms sweating in my pockets. I was glad I wasn't standing, in case I fell. _

_"Mmmhmm?" She was chewing on a sandwich from the Maclaren's bar._

_I felt my heart rate increase as I tried to work up the courage to tell her about how I felt._

_"Robin…I think I am in love with you."_

_She stared at me for half a second with bulbous eyes, before she burst out laughing, and pointing her finger._

_"Barney has feelings! Barney has feelings! Neener neener poo poo!"_

_Murmers rushed around until everyone else was, too, laughing at me. I felt as the emptinees and coldness of there word consumed me. I wished I had never told Robin."_

Suddenly, I was awake, I could feel someone shaking me, and tears running down my face. Dammit. I wiped them away quickly and recognized Jane's face in front of mine. She seemed worried.

"What?" I demanded, hoping she had enough common sense not to say anything.

She hesitated, but spoke anyway. It came out in a whisper. "What happened to you in New York?"

"What do you mean?" My voice cracked when I spoke. I was also suddenly aware of the sweat that coated my face.

"I…It…"

"Spit it out already!" Her eyes were fearful as I spat at her. They reminded me of the way most girls looked before I took advantage of there fear and slept with them. The thought of that sent a wave of guilt over me. Stupid!

"I am sorry." I admitted. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Nevermind." She mumbled.

"Seriously, it is okay." I didn't want her to feel intimidated by me.

She took a deep breathe, and there was no sound but the airplane for a minute. Then she finally spoke. "It is just…you come here, and you are talking about how you had to get out of New York, where no one would find you. And whatever it is you don't want to talk about it. And I just woke you up from a nightmare so bad you woke up crying."

I realized that from her point of view, it seemed almost as though I was running from some killer or something. I couldn't stand to have anyone think they were being followed by someone dangerous because they were with me, so I decided to explain it a bit.

"Its just…love stuff. I am new to it, and Robin will never love me, and I just needed to get out."

Her face looked sorry for me. I had never had someone give_ me_ that look before. Never that I could remember. I was always given the dreaded _ you idiot_ look. It actually felt good that someone seemed to feel bad, because I do. Especially because Jane was a total stranger.

"I know how you feel." I was shocked that she could make that assumption. I knew for a fact that she had absolutely no idea how I felt. There was no way. I was in utter pain. Just sitting here on this plane was painful. Everything I did, Robin was on my mind.

"Liar." I said darkly, and so demonicly. "You may feel empathetic. But that is nothing. Do not even joke about pretending to know about the constant freaking hell I have been living."

"I am not pretending, okay? You think you have it so bad?" She was deeply offended I could see. But there was also regret in her tone. Her eyes were shining bright from the glistening tears that washed them.

"I am sorry-"

"Oh are you?" Her voice was definitely filled with regret, but there was anger there too. "I was trying to help you"

"I know that but,"

"No, let me finish. You are selfish to think that you are the only person on the planet to have a broken heart. You are also selfish, because you haven't even tried, and you are still acting like it is over."

"Okay I am sorry!"

"I wasn't finished! You…are so" Her voice started getting tearful as she continued, "lucky! You have everything! A woman to love, a life to live, a good body…"

"What? Your life isn't good enough? Did I not hear you mention a child earlier?"

"You did! And that is all! Okay? We live in a scrappy old house in Cheyenne. I work 71 hours a week,-"

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"Did you hear me mention a husband?"

"Lots of couples are divorced." Her face changed. She froze and stared at me as if I were crazy to have said that. I probably was. I was just throwing comebacks like they were nothing. But she was doing the same to me, so where is the harm in that. Right? Why was that last part so much worse than everything else she said.

That was when I noticed her, twiddling around with the ring on her left hand. If she had no husband, why was she still wearing her ring?

"I didn't a divorce." I was confused. If she didn't get a divorce and she had no husband then…

"Are you a lesbian?" I asked stupidly. After I asked it, I realized that didn't account for the now freely falling tears.

"My husband, Richard, is dead." The truth hit me like a pound of bricks. I now knew why she was so offended when I said she wouldn't understand. I was the one who wouldn't understand. If Robin died…

"I am so sorry" I said, hugging her. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have been so selfish."

"I miss him so much. He was driving. Car accident. Doesn't matter."

"Of course it-"

"No. What matters is that you have a girl who you love. Who is living. And you are running away. You are as good as dead to her right now."

"I am not running away-"

"Save it. I don't need another argument. I really need some time alone right now. So promise me something."

"What?"

"You have to agree to this. No matter what?" I hated it when people said that. I had to know, but I might not want to agree to it. Then again, Jane seemed very nice, and I trusted her not to ask me to do something stupid.

"Okay, I promise." I was wrong about my previous assumption. About it not being that bad. Jane asked me to do something, and I wished a million times I could take back the promise.

"When we get off this flight, you are going straight back to New York. You are going straight to Robin's and telling her how you feel, whether you like it or not. I don't even care if she is sleeping. You need to get this off your chest before it destroys you. Understand?"

I stared in utter shock at Jane, and the mulled over the words in my head again and again. I was sure I would never have the guts to do the task.

However, when the plane finally landed, I headed to the next New York flight. I did as Jane said, and I flew home. Then, I hailed a taxi, and gave him Robins address. We drove for nearly an hour before we got there. It was 6 in the morning, and I was happy I had gotten sleep on my flight back home. I did exactly as Jane said, and walked up to Robins door, despite the fact that she was probably asleep. I knocked 5 times. When no one answered I knocked several more, until finally, bed head Robin answered the door. Hair uncombed, no make up on, tang top and shorts on, and she was still the best thing I had seen all day.

I didn't know why, but I wasn't nervous. I wasn't sweating or anything. In fact, I felt great, as if this was the right moment to tell her, despite having just woken her up. I was pleased to discover that I wasn't going to chicken out. I was going to tell Robin how I felt. I smiled, and for the first time in a while, it was a real, genuine, smile.

"Hi." I said.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N You guys are going to hate me after this chapter. Haha, sorry.**

"Hi." I said to a disgruntled looking Robin in the doorway of the apartment she and Ted shared.

"Barney," she complained "What are you doing here? It is six in the morning."

I chuckled lightly. "Honestly Robin. I assumed you would know me better by now. As if something as trivial as the time of day would keep me from coming over." I was starting to feel like myself again. I was not doing all the weird, sweaty and nervous stuff that had caused me to run away not so long ago. It felt nice. I could be in love with Robin and be awesome.

She shook her head at my response. "Okay, well, what are you doing here?"

I thought for a moment, trying to think of the best way to word this.

"Would you mind letting me in?" I asked innocently, waiting for her consent.

"No!" She answered as if it were a stupid question. It confused me for several reasons. First off, I was acting very normal at the moment, normal for me at least. Secondly, I obviously had something important to say, or I wouldn't have come so early. And third, I was Robin's friend. I had been in her house many times without question. Why did she deny my now?

"Sorry?"

"I said no. I am not going to let you in."

What was her deal? Bad hangover? Her time of the month? I shook my head confused.

"And, can I ask why?"

"Of course." She responded.

"Um, ok, Why?"

"Because," She stated simply, "I want an explanation. Once I get one, you can come in."

"Why can't I tell you after I am inside?"

"I don't trust you not to take what you want and leave before you tell me." She replied honestly.

"Gee, thanks. It's nice to know how much you trust me," I said sarcasticly, trying to hide how much that actually hurt me. I wasn't going to steal from her! "So what do you want to know."

She sighed, "So….last night at the bar, you sort of disappeared." I didn't like where this was headed. "Did that have to do with something that Marshall and I said?"

I smiled. She asked a completely innocent question, and I was relieved I could answer, "No, of course not!"

"Then where did you go?" And, that was the question I _didn't_ want her to ask.

I gritted my teeth. It was tempting to turn around and leave, but I didn't want to break my promise to Jane.

"If you ever want to get into this house, you'll have to answer my question," Robin taunted.

"Alright," I announced, "Fine. If you are going to be that way, I'll tell you."

She stared impatiently.

"I was on a flight. I went to Cheyenne, and never left the airport before I got on another flight back home. Happy?"

"Not remotely." She mumbled.

"Robin, please, I promise it will make far more sense if you let me in." I would obtain to that promise, and I knew I would, but Robin still seemed hesitant.

However, she stepped aside and motioned her arm into the apartment I had known for years. It was the familiar apartment that used to belong to Ted and Marshall.

"Thanks."

"Alright, Barney. What is so important."

I smiled at her arrogance. In the very heat of the moment, literally seconds away from the truth, and I still was relaxed.

"I actually have something to tell you."

"And you couldn't tell me by the door?" I did my best to glare at her. She could probably tell I wasn't really frustrated, because she half smiled at my reaction.

"Ok, what is it?" She asked seriously now.

"Robin, you may want to sit down."

"Why?" The voice asking wasn't Robin. I looked up, and saw Ted next to his door. He looked tired, his eyes showing he had just woken up. He was wearing a blue striped bathrobe.

"Ted!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

Ted snorked a bit. "It is my apartment Barney. What are you doing here?"

Way to ruin my moment with Robin, Ted. "That's none of your concern." Ha, take that Ted. Now you never get to know.

"He came to talk to me about something that, apparently, couldn't wait until later." Robin said, betraying me. I tried to glare at her again, but I knew I was really mad at myself. How could I forget about Ted? If only I had taken Robin to the roof when I had the chance.

"Ok. Lets hear it Barney." Ted said.

I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to say it in front of Ted? That would be stupid. It would put not only me, but Robin in an awkward position.

However, I couldn't betray my promise to Jane. Every time I thought of her dead husband, and what I would do if that happened to Robin, sent chills down my back.

"Ted," I explained, "This is really unlike me." I hesitated before continuing. "This is really a private conversation."

The offended look on Ted's face was priceless. "Whatever Robin can know, I can know too!"

"Not this."

"What is it!"

"It's personal Ted! And besides, It is about Robin's parents," I lied. "I don't know if Robin wants you to know."

"What?" Robin interjected, "What about my parents?"

"Look, if you get to know, so do I!" Ted raised his voice.

I raised my voice too, "Ted, just because Robin lives with you, doesn't make her secrets yours."

"Well, good thing she doesn't _just_ live with me." Ted said angrily. "Because, and we were going to keep this a secret, but we are _dating_ again!" I froze.

There was a long silence. Ted's face showed no sign that this was a prank, or joke of some kind. He was serious. I looked to Robin as well, hoping she would say that Ted was crazy, and that it wasn't true. Robin, however, just seemed annoyed that Ted had told me.

So it was true.

Time seemed to move slowly, as if it were running through molasses. I was completely frozen, trying to think of something to say. I was relieved I hadn't told Robin how I felt, before Ted showed up and told me she was in a relationship.

Earlier, I had found a way to be awesome, and love Robin at the same time. At that second though, I was struggling to stay standing. Being awesome was beyond my current comprehension.

"O-oh." I managed to stammer.

"Yes." Ted said. "You can tell me and Robin, together. I am her boyfriend."

That sentence was dreaded. The girl I was in love with was dating my best friend. And, they had a history together. A history meant that there relationship was basically just, unpausing. There would be no build up for there first kiss, because they had kissed so many times before.

I said the only thing I could think to say, "How long?"

Robin answered this time. "About a month. We were trying to keep it a secret because we didn't want people freaking out."

"How could anybody not?" I asked, trying to appear an innocent giving advice. "You've tried this before. It never works!"

"What do you care?" Ted asked.

"Uh…"

"This is beside the point!" Robin interrupted. "You said something about my parents?"

"I lied. Just wanted to come over to, uh, go up on the roof. I needed some air." I lied smoothly.

"Then why did you sit me down on the couch?"

"And try to get me out of the room?" Ted added.

I needed a new excuse. "I was practicing my acting skills. To hit on chicks. Ok? Look, I have to go. Ok? Bye!"

I ran through the door before they could say anything else. Robin was already dating someone Ted. It all started to sink in. How could this happen? I ran down the steps and into Maclaren's. I hated feeling like I did at that moment. I felt weak, and inferior. I felt like ted had taken something that I had already claimed. I took a lot of courage to go back there and get up the nerve to tell Robin the truth. Just when I was getting used to the atmosphere of love, Ted smacks me in the face with heartbreak.

And heartbreak was unspeakably worse than love.

I got down to Maclaren's and decided now was a time where I truly needed a break. The easiest way to get a break was alcohol. I entered the bar, bought some shots, drank 5, and didn't remember a thing that happened for the rest of the day.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I may not be able to write for a couple days or so. I have had a lot of work to do lately, but you never know. So…ya. Here is another chapter. Hope you like it. :)**

I woke up in a dark room. The down covers that surrounded me smelled like linen. I wondered where I was, for the setting was unfamiliar, and I was positive I hadn't ever slept in this bed. I didn't know how I got there. And where was here?

An insistent throbbing in my head, and a sick stomach feeling rendered my memory a bit, as I realized I had a hang over. I didn't get drunk very often, and this terrible feeling I had serves to show why. It may soothe whatever issues you are having at the moment, but the next day is hell. I rubbed my head back and forth to try and make the pain go away, with no avail.

And suddenly, all the puzzle pieces began to fit together. I was in bed, and a bed I had never been in before, with a hangover. Last night, I was a drunk Barney Stinson. A drunk Barney would probably go around and sleep with every girl he had the chance to.

As if the fact that Robin was dating Ted, and the fact that I had a bad hangover wasn't enough, now I had to face some girl I didn't even remember meeting. I was also feeling guilty again. I had broken a big promise with myself to not sleep with any girl again. I chose Robin.

Then, I did the dreaded. I put my hand over to wake the girl sleeping next to me up, apologize, and leave.

But when I put my hand over, there was no girl. I felt around the entire bed, searching for some random bimbo, but found no one. I knew in my mind that she was probably in the shower or something, but part of me wanted to believe otherwise. Maybe I was making assumptions too fast. Wendy the waitress may have taken me home till I sobered up. Or maybe an old friend or family member had taken me home, seeing how helplessly wasted I was.

I sat in bed for about 30 minutes, hoping for the best. According to my watch, it was 1:30 in the morning. I was still tired, and wanted to go back to sleep, but the wonder of my whereabouts where preventing me from being able to. Not to mention the headache. I wished I had some ibuprofen.

I was trying to bring back the memories from the previous night, unsuccessfully, when the door opened. I watched as the stream of light entered the room. I watched carefully, more than a little curious as to who would step through the door. Would it be a chick, a friend, a family member, or none of those?

The relief I felt when I saw Lily in the doorway was indescribable. I let out a huge breathe, without realizing I had been holding it in the first place.

"Thank god," I said, sitting up in the bed.

"I was just coming in to check on you. How are you feeling?" What sort of a question was that? As if I could say anything but terrible. I merely raised my eyebrows to represent my large no.

She smiled at my gesture. "I expected as much. There are some ibuprofen tablets on the nightstand if you want, and a glass of water." Thank god. I immediately leaned over to the side of the bed, and took two pills quickly. I wished I had seen them earlier. Too bad the light was off. After I swallowed both, I got back under the covers and tried to relax. Lily came over and sat on the bed.

"Barney, I am really sorry…" She trailed off. She probably didn't want to bring Robin up, fearing it would upset me. She should've known Robin was the only thing on my mind. I sighed, waiting for Lily to continue. I assumed that I must have told Lily about Robin and Ted while I was drunk.

"It must be hard. I can't even imagine." I knew how true that was. Marshall and Lily were a very solid couple. There weren't many things that got in there way. They didn't have a lot of roadblocks and jealousy to work through.

"What happened last night?" I asked. I wasn't sure how I ended up here, at Lily's apartment. And why was Lily awake? It was very early in the morning.

"Well…do you want the long version, or the short version?"

I rolled my eyes, and shook my head, "Of all the things I care about right now, that isn't one of them."

"Long it is!" Lily exclaimed. I knew how she liked to tell a story, and could have predicted this.

(The Bar. Lily's pov)

"Hey, Marshall, Barney's here." I said.

"Oh, god, lets hide." Marshall replied, already standing.

He was so insane sometimes. "Oh, don't be ridiculous." Marshall sighed. I looked over at Barney to see if he was coming over, but he was still ordering at the bar. I had to admit, I probably would've hid with Marshall a few days ago, but Barney had been going through some rough stuff over the past few days, and I felt bad for him.

"Quick," I said to Marshall, "Let's get one last smooch in before Barney gets here."

Marshall smiled widely. "Lets."

I smiled as our lips crushed against each others. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and kissing him harder, as he did the same to me. My legs crawled-

(Barneys interruption and pov)

"Lily! Come on, enough with the details!"

"I am just describing what happened last night. For peet sake." For peet sake, take the kissing out.

"Ok, well, get on with it!"

Lily rolled her eyes at me, but continued.

(The bar Lily's pov)

I was still kissing Marshall about seven minutes later. It was amazing. I was so glad I had him. That was why it was so hard to pull away.

"Whats wrong?" Marshall asked.

"I thought Barney was coming over here." I replied, confused.

"Whatever about Barney. He is probably hitting on some chick or something." Marshall was already leaning back in to kiss some more. I stopped him. I knew Barney wouldn't have given up on Robin so soon. I looked around, and saw him at the bar doing shots.

"What is that all about?" Marshall wondered. "Getting drunk in the morning? That is a new one."

"Yes." I said suspiciously. I got out of the booth. "Yes it is." I was speaking to myself more than Marshall.

"Just what do you think you doing, Barney?" I asked from behind him. He didn't seem to have heard me. "Barney?" He was leaning on the bar. I turned him around and he fell to the floor. Great. A wasted Barney who couldn't stand.

"Come on, Barney," I said lifting him up. Marshall was now by my side. I flopped one arm over my neck and Marshall did the same with his other.

"Lets take him back to our place," Marshall said. I nodded in agreement. We went up to the sidewalk outside of the bar, and hailed a taxi. I gave the cabi our address, and we drove in silence.

I took the helpless Barney upstairs. He was acting very loopy and muttering useless words. It was all I could do to nod, and pretend to agree with whatever he said.

"Mmmhmm. Yes. Mmhm. Ok. Ok." I murmured, and set him on the couch when we finally entered my apartment.

"What should we do with him?" Marshall asked.

"I…don't know." I hadn't really thought about it. Now that Marshall mentioned it, I realized that I couldn't just leave him alone.

"I suppose we just stay here. Watch a movie maybe?" I suggested. I didn't have any better ideas.

"Or leave him on the side of the street, so we can go have sex." Marshall countered. I laughed, but knew I couldn't do that. Barney was in a very helpless state, and who knows what New York would do to an emotional, drunk, Barney.

"Not this time." I said.

"Why not?" Marshall complained. "We have done it many times before!"

"Listen." I said seriously, realizing Marshall was in a playful mood. "Barney needs help right now. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone this, but Barney has feelings…for Robin."

Marshal raised his eyebrows, as if I were lying. "You really expect me to believe that?"

"No. Not from me."

"Barney is drunk. I can't ask him now." Marshall countered.

"Sure you can. Barney is one of those people who spill out all there secrets when drunk. Surely you know that."

Marshall sighed. "Alright, I guess it couldn't hurt." He then turned to Barney. "Barney, what do you think of Robin?"

Barney was laying on the couch rolling around stupidly when he spoke to him. At the sound of Robin's name, he turned up, with glassy eyes, and smiled goofily.

"Robin me like." Barney said.

"See!" I said. Marshall looked back and forth between me and Barney, trying to decide.

"How do you know?" Marshall asked. I knew he didn't want to be fooled, but he also didn't want to accuse me of lying. He was hoping I could justify my claim. I explained the whole story, 'till where we stood now.

"Wow," Marshall exclaimed, clearly awed at the progress of Barney. "Impressive. I was unsure if he was capable of such things."

I smiled thoughtfully and looked to Barney, who was crawling around the apartment, laughing at silly little things, like chairs and blankets.

"Hey, Barney." I said as if speaking to one of my kindergarteners, "wanna watch a movie?"

"No!" Barney answered. "Lets kill Ted. Ted is stupid. I hate Ted." Barney rolled over on his back as he said this, smiling deviously.

"How much did you drink?" I asked shocked that Barney would say such a thing. After all, Ted was Barney's wingman. He considered Ted his best friend the last time I checked.

"Not enough." Barney said grouchily as he attempted to stand. I caught him and set him on the couch.

"You can't even stand, silly."

"I wasn't getting drunk to fall down, silly." Barney retorted. I was caught slightly off guard. For someone too wasted to hold up there own weight, this was surprisingly good comeback. I looked to Marshall, who appeared equally shocked.

"Well, what did you get drunk for?" I asked.

"You don't know? I thought Robin told you everything?"

"What? What happened with Robin?" What did Robin not tell me? She usually _did_ tell me everything.

"Her and Ted have been dating for a month now." Barney said.

This caught me off guard. I felt my eyes widen, and turned to Marshall to make sure he was equally shocked. To my relief, he was holding the couch for support, to keep from falling down. Ted and Robin? Again? Had they learned nothing? I wanted to go to their apartment and punch their faces in right then. Then I remembered how Barney said one month. One month and they were still together? Was it possible that the relationship was working out?

And how could Robin not tell me? We told eachother everything! We were eachothers only girlfriends, and she left me out of this huge secret. For a month, too! I felt a pit of betraying open in my stomach.

And how had Barney found out before me? There was absolutely no way Robin trusted Barney more than me!

Barney. Suddenly, the reason Barney was drunk started making sense. Robin was off limits right now. Robin was dating someone else. And not just anybody else, but Barneys best friend, Ted. No wonder he got drunk. No wonder he was mad at Ted. He was heartbroken.

"Oh, Barney!" I cried and ran into hug him. "How do you know?"

"Ted told me. I went to there apartment this morning cuz Jane from Wyoming told me to, and then Ted said I had to tell him too, cuz he was dating Robin." Barney said. I was really confused by what he had said. Who was Jane from Wyoming and why did she tell Barney to go to Ted's apartment. What did Barney have to tell too? I shook my head in confusion, and looked to Marshall for help.

"I am already on it." He said, dialing a number into his phone. "I'll just call Robin and ask."

The phone call Marshall had started off with lots of yelling as Robin tried to sort out how Lily and Marshall knew. Once they had that figured out, he had to explain there current situation with Barney, and ask what had happened that morning, without giving away Barney's feelings. It was a challenge, as Robin was a big skeptic, but they eventually got the whole story out.

The only question remaining in Lily and Marshall's head, was who was this "Jane". They had already deduced that she was someone he had met on the flight to or from New York, and she was from Wyoming. They couldn't decide upon why she had sent Barney to Robin's place.

"Barney," Lily ended up asking the loopy drunk.

"Yes?" Barney asked as he stroked a lamp.

"Who is Jane?" I asked. Barney froze, turned around, and covered his face in his hands.

"I hate guilt. Bad quilt. Stupid guilt. Jane makes me guilty." I turned to Marshall, and I knew we were thinking the same thing. Barney must've slept with Jane, and he felt bad because he was supposed to choose Robin. He broke his promise.

"It is okay." I soothed. "We all make mistakes. What happened with Jane." I was afraid of the answer, and, apparently, so was Barney. He stuffed his face in a pillow.

"Please?" I asked softly, trying to seem trustworthy. Barney slowly lifted his head from the pillow. It was weird to see Barney so sensitive. I was always used to the heartless soul who banged random chicks. Barney nodded slowly.

"I met Jane on a flight to Wyoming, and told her I loved Robin, and she said I had to go to say how I feel, and I did it cause her husband died, and if Robin died before I even tried, I would be sad, and she made me promise I'd go," Barney sputtered out. It wasn't a sober explanation, but it was enough to fill in the gaps. I smiled sorrowfully at Barney, as all the pieces began to come together, and I realized that I felt honestly bad for him.

"Why do you feel guilty?" I asked.

"I lied to Jane. I promised I'd do something and I didn't, and I feel bad cuz her husband died. It's sad." I understood what he was saying, and knew that this must really be eating Barney. All of it. Everything he had been going through over the past few days was haunting him. Barney was drunk…_drunk_…and he still couldn't get his mind off of it. I could only imagine how terrible it would be after he sobered up.

After this, we tried to watch some tv, but Barney couldn't stay focused. It wasn't for several hours until he finally started wanting to sleep. I helped him into the guest bedroom, put him to bed, put some water and ibuprofen on the nightstand, and let him sleep. I sighed, and left the room to spend some quality time with Marshall.

(back in bedroom barney pov)

I smiled when Lily was done. It felt good that she cared enough to do all that. She was like a good sister or mother to me, and I liked that.

"Lily," I wasn't good at thank you's. I had mastered apologies the other day, but thank you's just weren't my thing. I didn't know where to begin.

Lily must've seen my hesitation to continue, and helped me out, "I know what you are going to say Barney, and I am just glad I was able to help. I daresay you won't have got out of that bar by yourself without me. You couldn't even walk!" I was wracking my brain trying to remember any piece of the story Lily was telling, but was unable to. All I could really think about was Robin. It seemed as if the fact that Ted was now dating her, that I wanted her more. I hated it. Jealousy sucked.

"Well, thanks anyway," I managed to say.

"Of course." Lily replied smiling. "I'll let you get some more sleep for now, I am sure you are tired."

I nodded gratefully. Lily got up from the bed, turned off the light, and was gone again. I was alone in her guest bedroom, that I had never been in until now, and fell asleep once more.


	9. Chapter 9

I sat at a small table in a bar called Valhalla. There were old photos over all of the walls, chairs and tables everywhere, no booths, and terrible music playing all time. I hated this bar, but it was still the best bar I could find, other than Maclaren's of course. The other bars were either infested with mice, had mold growing in them, or were far too expensive.

I wished I could go to Maclaren's, but the last time I did that was a week ago, the day after my drunk incident with Lily. I walked in, and took a seat at the head of the booth. Lily and Marshall were on one side, and Ted and Robin were on the other. Ted said something about not needing to hide their relationship anymore, and he started making out with Robin. I didn't say a word as I ran out of the bar and back home as quickly as possible. I hadn't gone back since. It was too painful to see Robin kissing anyone.

I sat alone at a table in Valhalla, drinking a beer. I had been going to this bar for the past couple of days, and occasionally Lily and Marshall would join me. I went to work on weekdays and stayed home on weekends. I talked to Ted when he called every day or so, trying to get me to hang out. I always made up some meeting, trying to avoid seeing him without seeming suspicious. He was completely unaware, that while he was trying to find a time when I was free, I was sitting at home, alone, watching Robin on the news. My life had been bland this past week.

I payed for my beer, and left the bar. An upside to Valhalla's, is that I can walk home from it. I always had to take a twenty minute cab to get to Maclarens, but Valhalla's was very close. I walked about 5 blocks before I was walking up the steps of my apartment building. I stepped inside, and absent mindedly picked up the scrapbook of chicks I had been slowly apologizing to. I opened it up, and called the next 5 people in the book, said my apologies, and then sat out on the balcony.

I looked down at the city around me, listening to all the sounds of beeping cars, distant sirens, and the wisp of wind blowing in my face. I looked out on the horizon to see the beginning of the sunset, and watched quietly as the sky got oranger and oranger, until it finally turned dark. I only sat out in the cool air for a few moments, before I went back inside and sat on my couch. I picked up the phone, and ordered some Chinese food. Then, I turned on the T.V and waited for Robin to be on.

By the time the food got to my door, Robin was already off air. I ate the food gratefully, and then called 3 more girls before it was finally late enough to go to sleep.

These were the boring activities that I spent every evening doing for the past week. Every morning, I ate at a restaurant a block away from my work. In the day, I was at work, and on weekends I played laser tag and occasionally talked with Lily or Marshall. I had become very lonely ever since I had found out the news about Robin and Ted, and I felt myself growing farther apart from my friends. It wasn't like I cared though. The only thing that had mattered to me was Robin, and I couldn't have her either.

It was the middle of the night, about 2 in the morning, when a knocking on my door woke me up. I tried to ignore it, but whoever was behing the door was very insistent, and did not give up. I grudgily got out of bed, wearing sweats and a t shirt, and walked across the room to the door.

I opened the door, almost curiously, to see the person who was willing to come out to my house at two in the morning to see me. I almost slammed the door shut when I saw Ted at the door.

"What do you want?" I asked angrily, before I had time to think.

"Well, your always busy with meetings and stuff, and we haven't seen eachother in over a week."

"So you solution to the problem is to wake me up in the middle of the night?" I asked furiously. I wasn't really angry that Ted woke me up, just that Ted dared show his face at my house. Of course, Ted had no reason not to. He didn't know he had stole the woman I was in love with.

"Sorry," Ted replied, astonished that I was so mad. "I thought you'd be glad to see me."

"Maybe you could've called first!" I said.

"I wanted it to be a surprise." Ted sighed meekly. I didn't feel pity. I had no idea what Robin saw in Ted. His stupid spiked hair, and annoying voice. And I bet he sucked at kissing. I was an expert. Why did Ted get to have Robin.

I clenched my jaw, trying to keep from yelling, "Shut up, Ted." I snapped.

"Why are you so mad at me?" Ted asked. I wanted to punch him, show Robin that I was tougher than Ted the wimp. I felt my angry eyes begin to burn with tears. "And why have you been avoiding me all week?" He added. I didn't question how he knew, knowing I had probably made myself too obvious.

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again, unsure of what to say. "Tomorrow, Ted. I will meet you at Valhalla's bar. If you don't know where it is, look it up. 5 o clock,"

"Why can't we just talk right now?" Ted objected. Can't you tell that I am ready to explode, Ted? Stop tempting me!

"I need some time to think." I said and rolled my eyes at what an idiot Ted was sometimes. I slammed the door in his face before had a chance to speak again and went to bed.

I woke up the next morning, and went to get breakfast at my usual place. I had no work today, it was Saturday. I wasn't up to playing laser tag though, and spent my afternoon calling chicks, and trying to think of what to say to Ted tonight. I found myself on the verge of exploding with anger many times when I thought of Ted, and just kept trying to think of ways to keep myself under control

Far too soon, it was time to go to the bar to meet Ted. I was still couldn't figure out how I would manage my anger, and just hoped for the best. I was subconsciously walking at a slow pace, as if my legs knew not to go near Ted, and were trying to urge me to walk slower. By the time I got to the bar it was ten after 5 and Ted was almost half way through a beer.

I got a beer quickly, before sitting down next to Ted. There was an awkward silence for a bit.

Finally, Ted spoke. "You've been ditching Maclaren's, for this dumpy place?" You are in no place to insult me, Ted.

"It is much closer to where I live."

"And, I am at Maclaren's, so this place is better because I am, until now, absent here."

"You seem to be really stuck on the idea that I am mad at you." I glared.

"Do you deny it?" Ted asked.

I didn't want to answer, and I glared at Ted for awhile. "No." I finally admitted.

Ted, though he already knew the answer, seemed hurt by this. "Barney," Ted whispered, "You're my friend." He was not looking me in the eyes, but at the label of his beer bottle. "I…I don't like it when you're mad at me."

"If you were really my friend, you would have figured out what you did and fixed it by now," I replied angrily.

"I have been trying! I can't think of anything that I have been doing differently lately."

"Really? Nothing?" I asked rhetorically.

"Please tell me." Ted pleaded. "I promise I will fix it! Whatever it is!"

"Liar," I replied coldly.

"Why would you say that?" Ted asked. "It really hurts that you are so mad at me."

"Oh!" I said, raising my voice slightly. I was absolutely outraged. "You think that hurts? You want to talk to me about what hurts?"

Ted was taken aback. "I…uh..wh…what?" Ted sputtered.

Without thinking, I began letting out all of my anger, and screamed at Ted."Do you know what hurts? The guilt you feel after you sleep with 179 different women." I started," You know what hurts? Listening to a poor, single mother talk about her dead husband, who she loved. And you know what hurts even more than that? Breaking a promise with the poor, widowed woman. I had one thing to do! Do you know what else hurts Ted? It hurts when your best friend was the one who stopped you from keeping your promise."

"Barney, I-"

"I wasn't finished!" I interrupted. "Because you know what else hurts Ted! Love. Okay? It hurts when you love someone, and you know you can't have them, because you're best freaking friend is dating her!" I screamed.

Ted was shocked. He was frozen in his chair, and his eyes were wide. I noticed several people around the bar were staring, but I didn't care. I didn't have anything to care about anymore. Ted would tell Robin tonight. They would have a good laugh about it too. How could I have possibly told Ted that. I knew at any second he would burst out laughing.

However, Ted just shook his head.

"Are you going to say something?" I growled.

Ted looked down at the table for a long time. Without a word, he picked up his jacket and left.

I was alone at the bar, and felt more lonely than I had ever felt in my whole life. I ran out onto the street, angry at what an idiot I had just been. How could I let my feelings so easily control my mouth. I screamed as loud as I could, and then sprinted all the way back to my apartment.

I sat on my bed for at least three hours, before I left my bedroom to call some of the girls from my scrapbook. I called a girl named Alina, followed by Sara and Sydney. However, that was the last page. There was no girl after Sydney.

I was not able to celebrate. I had screwed up too bad today to bring myself to so much as smile at my success. I ignored three phone calls I got from Ted, and then answered one from Lily.

"Call for Barney," I said lazily.

"Ted told me everything." Lily said, jumping straight to the chase.

"And Robin?"

"She has no idea. Ted, Marshall and I are all at Maclaren's and Robin is out, shooting." I was a little confused.

"Shooting? Why?" Robin usually went shooting when she was upset.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you this earlier, I wanted to tell you in person. You know? So I could talk face to face. And we haven't seen eachother in a while."

"What is it Lily?" I asked, waiting for her to get to the point.

"Ted broke up with Robin two days ago." I dropped my phone and left it on the ground. I didn't even have to think as I ran down to the street and hailed a taxi. I gave the driver the address to the place where Robin shoots. I had to help her. If Robin was out shooting after a break up, it meant she was upset. I was out of the cab before it even fully stopped. I gave the driver a 100 dollar bill, and ran inside, to find Robin, shooting rapidly at a target board.

I tapped her shoulder gently. She took off her ear muffs and goggles and gave me a shocked look.

"Barney?" She asked. At that moment, I felt better than I had in a long time. I leaned in and hugged Robin tight, not only because I loved her, but because I could tell what a rough time she was having. She didn't resist the hug.

"Sorry, you looked like you needed a hug." I explained when I pulled away.

"Don't apologize." She said, "I did need a hug." I smiled at this. It felt good that I did something right.

"Come on," I said, "You also look like you could use someone to talk to."

"You sure are being very nice." Robin complimented.

I chuckled. "You _are_ my friend you know."

I grabbed Robins hand to take her out to the street, and hoped I wasn't being too pushy. In Robins mind though, I probably just seemed like a friend helping her through a rough patch, because she didn't resist.

I hailed a taxi and Robin and I got in to go to my place.

"Where have you been all week?" Robin asked curiously when we got in.

"I am not sure you really want to know." I replied honestly.

Robin considered this for a moment. "Does it have something to do with random chicks?"

"Not in the way you might think." I replied honestly again.

Robin waited for me to elaborate.

"One of the things I was doing was…I apologized to all the girl I slept with." I said,

"Turns out guilt _is_ real."

Robin laughed. One of the things I loved about Robin, is she didn't make a big deal about things like this.

"I have to admit," she said "I am impressed."

"Thanks," I replied, happy to have impressed Robin. I was confused though. She didn't seem upset at all. She just suffered a break up a few days before.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Yes." She replied. She certainly sounded okay, but I knew Robin liked to hide her feelings.

"Robin, you don't have to pretend to be happy."

"I am not pretending." She argued. I looked at her suspiciously.

"Why not?" I asked. How could she possibly be okay right now.

"Barney…can I tell you a secret. And this is a big one. You can't tell anyone. I mean ever."

I knew from her tone that she wasn't kidding. "Yes." I said concerned. "What is it?"

She took a deep breath. "So, you remember that one time we…you know, slept together after watching Sand Castles in the Sand a billion times."

It was one of my best memories. "Yes," I said.

"Ted…he was really jealous." I remembered how mad Ted was, but I didn't know he was jealous. At this point we got to my apartment. I helped Robin out, and she continued her story once on my couch.

"I had to date Ted, to show him that we had no feelings for eachother. I purposely was a terrible girlfriend so that he would break up with me."

"So…you never actually liked Ted?"

"No. Not even close. I just had to show him that our sex meant nothing." Robin said. That last part stung. That was one of the best nights of my life.

"But, didn't it?" I asked quietly.

"What?" Robin asked.

"Nothing," I replied.

Robin and I spent the rest of night talking. It was so easy to talk with Robin. I was absolutely in love with her. That night, I knew. I was positive. Robin would someday be mine. We were made for eachother.

"Goodnight." I said when Robin left.

"Goodnight." She replied. And then she was off.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- Hey guys. Sorry for the long wait for the update. (Ooh! A rhyme!) Anyways, you know how the holidays are. It is hard to find time to write. Also, I would like to thank everyone who has left a comment on this story. I love the feedback, and just thought you should know I really appreciate it. Anyways, here is another chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

"Barney!" I was still sleeping when the voice rang through my head. I felt myself flinch at the sudden break in silence. I stirred for a second, and tried to go back to sleep, but the voice rang again, louder this time.

I groaned before turning over and stuffing a pillow over my ear. The relief was short, for immediately I felt the pillow being snatched from my hands.

"Get up you lazy oaf!" The voice demanded.

"Go away." I groaned, though doubted it would have any effect.

"Barney!" I recognized the voice as Lily's. She was relentless, and I knew I would never win, so, reluctantly, I opened my eyes. The sunlight flew in, blinding me momentarily.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, as I sat up on the bed. She stared at me as if I already knew the answer, which I didn't. "What?" I demanded.

"So, Robin came over last night?" She said, clearly enjoying herself. It was definitely not what she appeared to think it was.

"It isn't like we're all of a sudden dating." I answered, trying not to show how much I enjoyed the idea.

"That isn't what I was implying at all!" She retorted.

"Then what?" I asked again.

"Well, how did it go?" She asked. I didn't quite know how to answer. "I mean, did you comfort her and stuff?" She elaborated.

"Oh! Umm…" I was more than a little surprised that Robin had failed to tell Lily about the whole Ted thing being a scheme to get Robin out of Ted's system. "Ya. I totally did." I replied unconvincingly.

"What does that mean?" Lily asked.

"I mean, it just didn't seem like she needed much support." I replied.

I felt a sharp sting across my face and knew immediately that Lily had slapped me. I would not hesitate to return the favor were she not a girl.

"What was that for?" I fired.

"For not sympathizing for the girl you're in love with!" She answered.

"What?"

"Do you know Robin at all?" She continued furiously. "She isn't exactly the kind of person who expresses emotion. Obviously she was only pretending not to be upset!"

"Lily, that's not true. Because, the thing is, right now, I think I know Robin better than you do."

Lily was unnaturally offended by this. "I am her best friend, Stinson."

"Right. Okay. Sure. And using my last name makes you more tough." I replied.

"What put the idea in your head that Robin trusts you more than me!" Lily said bubbling.

"Ya, see, I can't tell you that, cause then Robin wouldn't trust me anymore. You see, I think she trusts me because I can keep a secret." I replied.

"And I can't?" She boomed. It was true, Lily was a definite blabber mouth.

"Name one time you've kept a secret."

The offended look on Lily's face sent a wave of regret over me. Lily usually never kept a secret. I was sure she knew that. However, Lily had done a very good job of keeping one particular secret of mine, telling no one but her husband, though I am sure it took will-power to keep it that way.

"I am sorry." I added honestly.

"No." She declared angrily. "Not yet, your not." She stated, before turning around and marching out of my apartment. I realized it was a threat. But, Lily, She wouldn't tell Robin about my feelings over one silly dispute, would she?

I had no time to think it over. I suited up in under 5 minutes (I was well trained to take my clothes on and off quickly), and was off to Robin's. I hailed a taxi, and paid him twenty extra bucks go extra fast.

When I arrived, I practically jumped out of the cab, and sprinted up the stairwell that led to Robin's apartment. I did not knock, but marched right in, to find Lily on the sofa drinking a cup of coffee.

"Who's there?" Robin's voice sounded from the kitchen. I walked in slowly, closing the door behind me, and sat with Lily on the couch.

"Barney." Lily replied as Robin walked out of the kitchen holding a beer.

"Uh…hey." Robin said confused. "Ted is at the bar with Marshall if you want to go down." She clearly fancied the idea of me leaving more than I.

"Great idea! Come on you two. Lets go to the bar." I replied.

"Actually, I think Lily had something she wanted to talk about…" Robin said, eyeballing Lily. She appeared curious as to what Lily would have to say.

"And you want to talk in private." I finished. Robin nodded.

"Well," I continued, "I wouldn't want to be a nuisance, so I suppose I will leave you to your gossip." I stood up briskly, ready to leave. Before I left, however, I turned to Lily and in a quieter tone, I said, "Please." That was all. Any more would have given too much away to Robin. I hoped Lily's conscience could do the rest. I hoped it was enough for her to set our argument aside, and keep her mouth shut.

I smiled back to Robin. "See you down at the bar." And then I left.

"So what do you think?" I asked Marshall after I had explained what had just happened. "You know Lily best of all. Will she tell?"

Marshall considered it a moment. He was sitting next to me in the seats closer to the bar, with Ted directly across. "No." He finally said, to my utter relief. "At least, I don't think so. Lily has always been very loyal, and I don't think she would tell."

I hoped Marshall was right. I stared down absently at my drink, not knowing what else to say. I looked across the booth to Ted, who was eyeing a girl at the bar, I turned to see who it was. She was thin, very pixie like actually, and her hair was short, curly and blonde.

Ted and I hadn't spoken much since the incident at Valhalla's.

"She's cute." I said turning back to Ted.

"Dibs!" He called quickly, knowing I usually stole them first. He had about two weeks since the Robin break up, and he was already back on the market.

Which meant he was officially over Robin.

I grinned widely. "You think I would've called dips?" I asked, almost jokingly.

He shrugged. "You can never be too careful."

"So….Robin?" I asked.

"All yours." Ted confirmed. He nodded his head to show he was serious. It felt good to know that Ted no longer stood in the way of Robin and I. He had given me his blessing, and now all I had to do was get Robin to love me back.

I was about to thank Ted, when Lily and Robin sat down. It indeed appeared that Lily had kept her mouth shut. Robin did not know of my feelings. I sighed in relief. Lily smiled at me as she sat down next to Ted. Robin was the only one at this table who didn't know how I felt.

Ted stood up from the table. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a hot chick to hit on." He smiled, and walked up to the bar. Robin scooted into to booth where Ted had just sat, next to Lily.

"Hey, Lily." Marshall said to his wife across the table. They leaned forward and kissed eachother casually. I felt compelled to do the same to Robin. It was so hard to see her across the table, and to be with her everyday and not to have a physical relationship. The night I spent at her house watching "Sandcastles in the Sand" was the best night of my life. That was the night I fell in love with Robin Scherbatsky.

When I looked back to Lily and Marshall, they were still kissing, though it was a little less casual.

"Get a room." I moaned.

Lily stopped kissing Marshall, but kept hold of his neck, and stuck her tongue out at me. I returned the favor childishly. I doubted that Lily understood that I was jealous of her love. Never the less, she grabbed Marshall's hand and they left the bar together.

"Wow. They actually left." Robin giggled from across the booth. I looked up, and realized we were alone. Just me and my love. And Robin looked gorgeous. Her hair was straightened to her shoulders, and her skin was absolutely flawless. She was wearing a blue silk T-shirt with floppy sleeves, with a white undershirt. When she giggled, she revealed her snow white teeth that contrasted perfectly with her lips. Her lips were desirable.

I had slept with many girls in my life, and seen what they had to offer. But not a single one compared to Robin Scherbatsky.

"Ya." I replied. I didn't have anything else to say. I felt like everything would sound stupid. My nerves began to surface once more, and I felt my palms sweating. I had to tell Robin now though. We might not get another moment alone for a while. I wondered if she noticed how nervous I was.

"Is something wrong?" Robin asked, which answered my question.

"What, me? No, I am fine. Better than ever actually." I hoped I wasn't overdoing it.

Robin seemed upset by this answer. "Why are you lying to me?"

I hesitated. "How do you know I am lying?"

"Other than the fact that you just admitted it?"

"Ya."

"No offense, but you are a crappy liar." She said, almost smiling. But she didn't appear to be finished.

"And?" I asked urging her to continue.

There was a pause of uneasiness, as Robin tried to find her words. "And…Barney, it isn't only tonight." Robin began. " You've been acting different for a while. And I have noticed." Was it bad that I was a little bit flattered that Robin had noticed my change.

I shook that feeling quickly. "What have you noticed?" I asked, scared for the answer.

"I noticed…a lot." She started. "Like, how you are never coming into the bar bragging about some new suit or revolutionary idea." This was true. "Or, how you keep disappearing for days on end." This was true too. "And I swear, it has been weeks since you last hit on a girl." True.

There was no point in hiding it anymore. "It's true. There is something…" I felt my breathing increase as I readied myself to tell her. All the pressure was coming down on me at once, my hand started shaking, and my eyes filled up with tears.

"Barney," Robin sounded concerned. "Oh my god. What is wrong." Her eyes were terrified. I didn't want her scared.

"Robin, I have something to tell you."

"What? What is it?" She asked, still terrified. She must;ve thought something much worse than what it was. She leaned in, and help my hand from across the table.

The warmth of her skin was over powering. The moment her hand touched mine, my fear washed away, and was replaced with courage. I was ready to say everything

"I have been keeping a secret from you. I have been keeping a big secret from you Robin. This will explain…so much. You will understand why I have acted how I have, and you will be shocked. That is a promise. You are confused, and I can see that in you eyes, along with fear. You are worried. I am going to tell you this because it is every bit as much your business as it is mine…but…you have to promise me something."

"What?" She asked, eager to know the secret.

"Once I tell you this big secret, you can't start…ignoring me." I explained.

"Ignoring you? Why would-"

"Just promise. Please?"

"I won't start ignoring you no matter what Barney. You are my friend, okay? I promise."

I took a deep breath. I believed her. Robin was telling the truth. She would never lie.

I looked at Robin, and in the dim light of the bar, she was still the most beautiful thing in the world. I swiftly changed from my side of the booth, to the side with Robin, and was now sitting next to her.

I turned my head in her direction. Inside, I was screaming, telling myself that this was the moment, and I only had one shot. On the outside, however, I was calm, and graceful.

"No matter what?" I asked casually.

"No matter what." She promised.

"I will hold you to that you know." I warned.

She laughed as if my threat was meaningless. "Just tell me."

"Robin." I said. She looked up, still giggling, but stopped when she saw my serious facial expression.

And then, I did something I could no longer resist. I leaned in quickly, and I kissed Robin.

At first, I couldn't stop. My arms held her close as I kissed her. It was better than every dream and every vision. I felt so alive. Every stressful moment I had ever had. Gone. I could not keep from endulging every moment our lips touched.

And then, as if it were possible, it got better. For, as I kissed Robin, I knew I couldn't stop. What was better, was the moment I realized, neither could she.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N This is it, the last chapter of my story. I want to thank all of my fans who supported this story, and I hope you like how it ends. Please comment what you think, and have a Happy New Year. 2014 will be a good one. J Enjoy**

**Disclaimer(Which I should have done at the beginning but forgot) I do not own How I Met Your Mother or any of its characters, so…don't sue me. Ya…**

"Robin." I said as our lips parted, and then touched again. She was ravenous, and had no intention to slow her lip train. Not that I could ever complain, but we were in the middle of a bar, and we had been making out for at least ten minutes.

"Hmm." Robin replied, as we continued to attack each other with our lips. My hands grasped the back of her head, and fit perfectly into my masculine hand.

"I love you." I said.

Robin smiled brightly, and leaned in to hug me. I let the warmth fill me up. I knew that now, I had her on the hook. I couldn't let her go now. I had an image in my head, a long and happy life with Robin. I could marry her/ I would marry her.

"So that's it." Robin said, pulling away, though she still had a smile as bright as the sun on her face.

"What?"

"So you love me. That's the big secret?"

I couldn't believe her. She sounded almost unsurprised! "Is that secret not big enough for you?"

"No, no. That's not it. It is definitely…unexpected, especially coming from you."

"Then, what?"

"Well," Robin began, looking up at the ceiling as she spoke, "You said this secret would explain all of your strange mannerisms lately."

"Does it not? Clearly I have not been sleeping around because-"

"Barney, I get that one." Robin laughed. "But, you know…never coming into the bar and bragging about a new suit or a revolutionary idea? What does that have to do with me?"

"What does that have to do with you?" I asked, shocked. I thought it would be obvious. Robin did not appear to be catching on, so I continued. "Robin…" I started, "Maybe you don't understand. I _love_ you. A lot. And, I have for a long time. It is not an easy task, being in love with someone who you see everyday, but all you can think to yourself is _she will never love me._ Robin, it is just the sort of thing that would put someone inexperienced in feeling stuff, like me, in a sort of depression. When you feel like I have for the past couple of months, there isn't anything you have, or want, to brag about."

There was a long pause. I looked down solemnly at the table, hoping Robin would understand.

"I am sorry." Robin whispered.

"You're apologizing?" I asked, dumbfounded. "Why? You did nothing wrong."

"I am sorry that you have had to go through all of that alone." Robin clarified.

"Oh, right…ya, sort of forgot." I said, "All of the others know."

Robin laughed, rolling her eyes, and leaned in to kiss me again.

I kissed her soft lips willingly. I felt an electric shock run through my veins, and became one with Robin. As I kissed her, not a single other thing mattered in the world. A huge weight had been lifted off my chest, for finally fulfilling my promise to Jane, and not needing to hold back from Robin anymore. My hands intertwined with her hair as I pulled her closer, and I felt Robin cool hands on my neck. I was so incredible happy. It all felt surreal, like a dream you never want to wake up from.

"Come on." Robin said smiling, as she grabbed my hand and raced out of the bar.

"Wha…What are you doing?" I said, inbetween laughs, outside the bar.

"Come on!" Robin repeated, and dragged me up to her apartment. And then I realized where she was taking me.

And then I was leading. "Come on!" I mimicked as I rushed into her room. She followed right behind, and jumped straight onto her bed. I automatically followed, gracefully, and we began kissing immediately, out bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces.

"My god, I love you, Robin." She laughed, the last communication that was made.

* * *

I woke up to a bed with only me. It was definitely Robin's bed, just without Robin. I rubbed my eyes, trying to better get the situation around me. I was aware that it was raining outside. I smelled the sheets that belonged to Robin, savoring the scent, then stumbled out of bed to get dressed. I had just finished when Robin walked in.

"Where were you?" I asked concerned.

She laughed. "Just getting dressed." She replied.

"Is their some creep who looks through your window that makes it awkward to get dressed in here, because I was just-"

"No." She rolled her eyes. "I was being efficient. Peeing and getting dressed in the same room."

I smiled, a great segway for a kiss. As usual, I got chills as Robin's lips touched mine. It was easier to let go, knowing I could come back later.

"I am starving. Lets eat." I said.

"Lets." Robin smiled, leading the way to the kitchen.

"Hmm…" She said, searching her kitchen. "We have…cereal." She said, turning to me for my opinion.

"Sure." I said. Not as if it mattered, as long as it was with Robin.

"But no milk." She added.

"Shocker." I said playfully. It was no secret that when Robin lived anywhere there was never any milk.

"Come on." I said, "I'll take you out. I know of this great place to eat breakfast." I said, remembering the restaurant I had eaten at frequently before Robin knew how I felt.

"Lead the way." Robin said, grabbing my hand. I walked her out of the apartment. We both forgot our coats, and stood in the pouring rain as I hailed a cab. It didn't male a difference to me.

We drove to the breakfast place. I ordered oatmeal, which Robin thought was a hilariously dull choice in comparison to her bulky cheese omelet.

"Of all the great things on this menu, oatmeal?" She laughed.

"I love oatmeal, thank you very much. Unfortunately for me, I have no insult for that omelet of yours." I said.

"And why is that?" Robin asked.

"Are you complaining?"

"Curious."

"Alright." I said. And then said the punch line. "When it comes to Canadian's eating breakfast food, anything is better than a donut." I said. It was an utterly terrible joke, and I knew it was. I made it so on purpose as a test. If Robin laughed at my bad joke it was a good sign. If not…

I didn't need to worry though, because Robin did laugh. She laughed a little too hard actually, and momentarily choked on the omelet piece in her mouth.

"So…" She said, after the awkward silence of her laughing fit.

"I love you Robin." I said. It was so true, more than ever before, and would never be denied.

"Those words," She said, shaking her head bewildered, "In your mouth…"

"I know. Very new." I said.

"Very." Robin agreed. "I must admit, I am rather glad that was your secret."

"And why is that?" I asked

"Are you complaining?"

"Curious."

"Alright." She said. I could tell a tradition was beginning. "Honestly, I thought something was wrong with you. I thought, you were sick or something…like an STD. It would account for you lesser interest in hooking up and less self absorbed attitude."

I smiled. "I guess you never assumed you had anything to do with it."

She took a deep breath, "I have dreamed of the day that you would finally grow up."

I laughed. "I have dreamed of this day as well."

We talked for the rest of the day, just sitting in this restaurant. They closed at six, so we went up to my place and talked some more. We sat on my couch, and just told stories. I had never had someone who I could talk with in the same way as Robin. I had Ted and Marshall, but all we talk about is guy stuff. It felt amazing just to let lose and talk. It was so easy with Robin.

"What is this?" Robin asked, eyeing the book of chicks in my closet. She pulled it down curiously, stroking the tattered leather of the bulky book.

"My shame." I replied honestly. That book was full of all my worst memories.

"What?" Robin asked, and then flipped the book open to see the face of a girl name Bianca. She scrunched her eyebrows confused, and turned to another page. Amy. And another. Kelly. She flipped through the pages, and her confusion grew. "What is this?"

"My shame." I replied. "Every single girl who I have ever slept with is somewhere in that book."

"Why do you have it?" She asked.

"They deserve to be acknowledged at the very least. I even knew that before I was in love with you. Even as certifiably psychotic as I was, I did know that." I replied. "I need you to know Robin, the day I realized I could not do anything but love you, was the day that I decided each of these girls needed something more than I photo in a scrapbook stored in a closet. I have, since then, apologized for what I did to every one of these girls."

Robin's eyes grew wide. "Really." I nodded. Her eyes grew glassy, and she set the book gingerly on my counter before walking back towards me, in front of the couch. "You did that for me?"

"And I would do it again if I had to." I said, grabbing Robin's hand.

"Barney." Robin said. I had been waiting to hear these words all night. "I love you, too."

That was of the greatest moments of my life. I had never felt how I did at that moment, which was absolutely complete, and would forever be. I would marry Robin someday. I knew it right then. We were made to be, and made to always be. I knew it then, all the way back to the first time she said I love you. It was the beginning of the never ending, the never doubtful, and the never expected relationship between Robin and me.


End file.
